Rejection Committee Unveils Automated Excuse Generator, Productivity Soars

The Rishta Rejection Committee, long criticized for the emotional labor involved in manually crafting a fresh excuse for every declined match, today announced the rollout of an automated Excuse Generator capable of producing a 'deadpan, official-sounding, and instantly deployable' rejection in under a second.

Internal metrics shared at the launch event show processing time dropping from an average of three days — mostly spent by relatives debating whether 'his aura felt off' counted as specific enough — to effectively zero. The Committee's productivity, measured in Rejections Per Hour, is reportedly up 4000%, a figure officials described as 'frankly, a little uncomfortable to say out loud.'

Early excuses generated by the tool include classics such as 'the horoscopes technically matched, but not with enough enthusiasm,' and 'we've decided to go in a different direction, spiritually,' both of which tested well in focus groups and neither of which anyone has ever been able to argue with.

"It's not that we don't care," said a Committee representative, reading directly off a card the generator had produced for the interview itself. "It's that caring, done manually, does not scale."

The tool has already been used several thousand times since launch, a number the Committee describes as 'a testament to demand' and everyone else describes as 'deeply, deeply sad, but also kind of funny.'