BREAKING: 14 Corruption Cases Vanish Within Hours of Cabinet Reshuffle
Investigators confirm the cases were not dropped, merely 'chronologically deprioritized.' Sources describe the timing as 'a remarkable coincidence, several times in a row.'
A filing cabinet, photographed moments before it became noticeably lighter.
In what officials are calling 'an administrative streamlining exercise' and everyone else is calling 'Tuesday,' fourteen active corruption cases were reported closed, paused, or 'chronologically deprioritized' within hours of a surprise cabinet reshuffle this week.
The timing, investigators stressed repeatedly and at great length, is entirely coincidental. "These things just happen sometimes," said a source who requested anonymity, a folder, and a change of desk. "You reshuffle a cabinet, and independently, unrelatedly, for completely separate reasons, some paperwork gets misplaced. It's a big building."
Among the cases affected: an asset freeze that thawed to room temperature by lunchtime, a summons rescheduled to 'after retirement,' and one file that Committee insiders describe as having been 'filed under trash, then immediately un-trashed, then re-trashed with more confidence.'
Opposition leaders have called for an inquiry into the timing. Government officials have called for an inquiry into who keeps calling for inquiries. As of press time, both inquiries remain, appropriately, pending.
The Washing Machine Directory, for its part, reports a record-breaking day, with wait times reportedly dropping to zero as most candidates simply walked in already clean.
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