One Day, One University, One Ministerial Reel: Govt Launches 'Gen Z Outreach' Because Sliding Into the DMs of 140 Crore Youth Was Taking Too Long

In a masterstroke of participatory democracy, the government has announced that one minister will visit one university every single day, thereby mathematically solving unemployment by 2047, because if you divide 1,100 universities by 365 days you get roughly three years, and three years is exactly how long the average graduate spends explaining to relatives what a 'gig' is. Sources in the WhatsApp University Department of Advanced Forwarding confirm that each visit will include a ribbon-cutting for a corridor that already existed, a foundation stone for a building that will be inaugurated twice, and a 90-second reel scored to a devotional EDM remix. Attendance is voluntary in the sense that your internal marks are also voluntary.

Our Gen Z Outreach Cell has helpfully modernised the messaging. Ministers have been trained to say 'no cap' before announcing that the youth unemployment figure is actually a foreign conspiracy, to respond 'slay' when a student asks about paper leaks, and to reply 'we're in our development era' when someone mentions the hostel mess. One official clarified that Gen Z is not angry, merely 'dopamine-deficient due to excessive scrolling', and prescribed a 400-page booklet on ancient aviation, printed on paper visible from the International Space Station. The students, ungratefully, asked about jobs. The mic was declared technically faulty.

On the matrimonial front, this has revolutionised the market. Bios now read 'looking for someone who visits daily, delivers a speech, takes a selfie, and leaves before the questions'. Aunties have begun screening grooms by asking them to inaugurate a relationship, then re-inaugurate the same relationship before elections. Our advice column has been flooded with young people asking why every conversation ends with 'previous 70 years'. The answer, as always, is that the road to your heart is under construction, will be world-class, and the completion deadline has been extended for the fourth time — but the plaque is ready.