The ED Raid Scheduler

“Somehow every raid lands three days before a defection deadline.”

AgeAs punctual as the raid calendar itself

Height5'8" (grows during search-and-seizure briefings)

ProfessionChief Coincidental Timing Officer

EducationMasters in Applied Scheduling

Family BackgroundComes from a long line of very punctual people

HobbiesCalendar-blocking, press leak coordination

Annual IncomeFiled promptly, unlike everyone else's returns

Languages KnownHindi, Legal Notices, Coincidence

RAID CALENDAR CERTIFIEDCOINCIDENCE CHAMPION

A Note From the Family

“Our child has never once raided anyone out of malice — purely coincidental timing, every single time, for a decade straight. We seek a match who believes in fate, especially electoral fate.”

Gems of Wisdom

Master of Timing

“The raid was scheduled months ago, purely coincidentally, right before the switch.”

Legal Strategist

“Evidence is optional; the press conference is not.”

Talent Scout

“Every defector gets a clean slate and a raid-free future.”

Philosopher

“I don't chase cases, cases chase convenient timing.”

Seeking a Match Who

A partner who understands that timing is everything, especially in matters of the heart and the charge sheet.

Absolute Dealbreakers

Anyone who asks why the case never actually goes to trial.

Endorsements

“Announced the raid, then the defection, then dropped the case — in that exact order. Every time.”

— State Unit Chief

“His raid calendar predicts election results better than our exit polls.”

— Godi Anchor Daily

“Case reopened the week after they left the party. Reclosed the week after they rejoined. Efficient.”

— Anonymous Legal Observer

Astro-Political Kundli Alignment

Certified by the Pegasus Kundli Spy Division

Ideal MatchSaturn in the House of Convenient Timing

Primary DoshaShani Dosha (Chronic Coincidental Scheduling)

Match %95%

CAUTION: Shani Dosha (Chronic Coincidental Scheduling) detected in the 8th house. Avoid unscripted interactions.